Losing friends in your 20s and 30s could be depressing and disappointing. But in this article, we are going to see it can actually be a good thing.
Most of us have good friends from the time we were teenagers. This is the period when we are most likely to build strong connections that often last for decades. We have buddies we hang out with every week, and we consider them to be our best friends.
And they most certainly are—they are with us when we need them, we can share emotions and feelings with them. We can have fun together, we may even have common interests. It almost feels as they are family. A lot of times we are actually more connected to them than to our relatives.
But what happens when a friendship like this ends (or has to end) and can we manage to move on? I personally believe that we may end up losing friends because of two reasons.
1)moving to a new place or 2) because one or more people in your group have stopped progressing in life. Of course, friendships can end if someone betrays your trust (sleeping with your partner, stealing from you, etc.) but we won’t focus on that here.
What do I mean by “stopped progressing in life?” Well, let’s take personal development for example. The reality is most people are not interested in personal growth. They cannot even grasp the idea that their subconscious is controlling them.
Self-help books may be more popular than ever but for entirely different reasons. What people seek are quick solutions, shortcuts, and life-hacks, not understanding or enlightenment. Very few people comprehend the fact the mind is playing tricks on them.
They are also not aware of their beliefs and ideas about reality, completely captured by their thoughts. The majority of people will never question the way they see the world. They never doubt their judgments or opinions which can most likely lead to losing friends.
The mind is like prison we have built for ourselves. It’s impossible to escape, yet there are no bars or locks on the doors. The decision to stay there is entirely optional, but few of us know how to live outside the jail of the mind and ego. The modern human lives in captivity and is ready to fight whoever dares to draw attention to the truth.
This can become a problem once a person from your group (hopefully you) starts to delve into philosophy, psychology or just by reading about personal development. When you start learning about the mind and ego and focus your attention on personal growth, a lot of your friendships will be at risk.
Often the process involves analyzing your past and trying to figure out what in your life let to shaping your personality the way it is today. You’ll become more interested in methods of improving yourself and dealing with your issues, insecurities, and regrets.
If you are on this path, I have to congratulate you sincerely. And if you are not, now is the perfect time to start. When you are doing all the work that personal development requires, and you are reaping the benefits, it won’t be easy to speak with someone who has no idea what it’s like to be on that journey.
You will begin to recognize people who are living life with the simple goal of avoiding death. People with no self-awareness, no goals, and no spirit. They don’t want or aren’t ready, to discover life’s secrets, they have never questioned their existence. You will rapidly start to feel how your life is changing; how you’re improving. Sadly, the people around you will stay at the same level. With the same mindset–still living the same life, going to the same places, making the same mistakes.
Those people will accept their issues without addressing them as if they are just another part of their body they can’t change. Without a doubt this can make you feel lonely and as they are not as close to you anymore. But don’t be too afraid of losing friends in your 20s and 30s because there's much more to it than you think.
It is not quite a pleasant feeling or something to look for, but you should look at the bigger picture here. You have to envision a world where you put yourself first and strive to live a fulfilled life. And as every pursuit of happiness, your trip won’t always be the most comfortable.
You may have to sacrifice a few relationships to build an extraordinary life and meet even more amazing people. Your way of thinking will shift, and new, more profound questions will keep you up at night. Who am I; why am I here; what I want out of life; where I want to be in five to ten years? The answers are not as important as asking the question, seeking progress. More significant, being ready to change your life, goals, and beliefs, is what will get you closer to success in anything you want.
Remember, you cannot blindly accept that you were born with a set of beliefs that never change. What your parents or friends believe in or value does not mean you should carry that burden too until the end and not question their authority.
The consequences of going down that road are more significant than you can envision. Don’t be afraid of losing friends, changing your social environment or letting some people go out of your life. Be ready to move on because friendships are not forever, and If you are not prepared to face this truth, you will always hold the losing hand.
No one can guarantee you’ll stay in touch with your current best friends or that your bond will always be that strong. Only the mind can deceive us to have such expectations which is why saying goodbye is so painful. Your relationship with people will not suffer if you comprehend this truth. It can, in fact, improve and extend it.
Imagine if everyone around you is changing and adjusting to their surroundings while you haven’t changed one bit for the past five years. You still hold the same limiting beliefs and ideas, never to be doubted, even though they keep bringing you down. Maybe, in this case, your friends have all the rights to move on and not want to be with you.
It’s difficult to be friends with somebody like that, and I’m sure you’ll agree. Often a person will lend somebody a book they’ve read, a book that changed their life, and tells them how powerful it is, hoping it will have the same effect on them. However, their friend will most likely read only 20 pages and never look at it again. If they don’t understand it, they can’t appreciate it.
See, you may tell someone about self-sabotaging, the ego, our belief system, and so on, and they will look at you like you’re crazy. You will send a video of your favorite guru, mentor, motivational speaker or author, and they would joke about how it’s some religious propaganda, and you’re wasting your time watching it.
This can be painful, but you shouldn’t allow it to hurt your feelings. It is a sign that your relationship with this person has come to its very end and you have to accept it. See losing friends as a positive, not a negative. You are making room for new people in your life. People who care about those ideas and share your passion for learning and exploring life.
Understand that people who are involved with personal development, for example, are rare and most of the folks you’ll meet won’t be interested in it. This doesn’t mean you should become asocial and lose any touch with society because of it.
One of the most important traits you must develop is the ability to speak with anybody. Listen to what they have to say without judgment. Understand that we all have different paths and try to see the world through their eyes.
Personal development is not for everyone, and that’s okay. Be more open-minded and accept people for who they are. Don’t expect that everyone will share your passion or follow your steps. I have to admit, this was something difficult for me to achieve, but I’m doing my best, and I can already see the advantages of my efforts.
You could be in your 20s or 30s, you may even be sixty years old, this does not mean your life is over, and you can’t find new friends. The reason why our early friendships seem so strong and powerful is that it was the first time we have experienced what it’s like to bond with somebody who’s not family.
Losing friends in your 20s and 30s is painful because our brain is programmed to connect with others to make our lives easier. We are social creatures, that’s a fact. But we must abandon the mindset that we can’t make real friends when we are older because it’s a deception; a limiting belief.
In my early teens, I had an unfortunate period when I lost two of my best friends at that time. At first, I didn’t know why they decided to become so distant, and I thought I did something wrong. I blamed myself, and I suffered for a long time.
Now when I’m older, I can look back at this time of my life and reevaluate what happened. I was 12 or 13 years old, and I became very interested in girls. Started hanging out with older guys and my social circle extended quite a bit.
I wasn’t any good at talking to girls, but I was making an effort and sometimes I was getting lucky. Surprisingly, for me and everyone else, I even started dating a girl from my school, and I had my first kiss at that time. One of my two best friends also liked this girl, and I actually remember how when we broke up, I tried to convince her to go out with him. Oh, how simple life is when you are just a kid.
However, nothing happened because my friend was extremely shy in front of any girl and he couldn’t say a word to her. I was starting to become more social, more open, more “cool,” while my friends stayed where there were a year ago.
My best guess is that my progress made them even more insecure and they couldn’t stay friends with somebody they envy. It was them, not me, but these were the kids I spend my entire childhood with, and it hurt me to see them go.
Thankfully, today I’m more aware of how relationships and friendships work. I’m able to understand better why people do what they do. My final advice for you is to live your life by your own rules. Don’t make exceptions for people who keep holding you back.
Put yourself first and draw the line when you have to and don’t worry too much about losing friends. It’s not the end of the world.
PS: Get my free eBook here to make sure you don't lose your girlfriend.